reality show rundown

i watch a lot of reality tv.  it just sucks me in, especially the shows on bravo, which are repeated all day on the weekends when i’m just hanging around and relaxing.  here’s a rundown of who i like/don’t like:

- the bachelor - i’m watching this now and i don’t like him.   british  accents are cool, but he’s being kind of a dick about thinking being british is the best thing in the world.

- real housewives of nyc - ramona is totally annoying.  the countess seems kind of cool, despite the fact that her poor housekeeper or whatever she is does everything.  what is up with the wanna-be socialite couple going on shopping sprees for the ugliest clothes out there?  and i can’t stand that their kids names are french and neither of them are.  they’re trying way too hard.

-  american idol - i love jason castro, the guy with the dreads.  i think he’s so cute and i love his style of music.  i would totally buy his cd/see him live.  i also like the girl brooke i think her name is who sounds like carly simon.  and david, the 17 year old, is adorable.  poor guy forgot his lyrics last week.  i liked the australian guy at the beginning, but he’s really annoying me.  every week he sings popular songs that are so overplayed and he does the same hand moves - raising his arms up to the sky.  he’s just getting predictable.

- making the band - i’ve only seen a couple episodes.  i love the romance between q and dawn.  they’re so cute together.

- that’s amore -  the show is ridiculous, just a little bit less slutty and out of control than rock of love.  i think it’s great when he goes on about finding love.

- jon and kate plus 8 - for some reason,  i love that show.  i think i’m totally mesmerized that a family could have twins and sextuplets and still survive.

- little people, big world -  i love that show.  it is such a good family show.  it always reminds me of living with my family back before college.

i believe in fate

i do. i know it’s cheesy, but i did just finish watching 3 hours of millionaire matchmaker. including the finale, where a guy proposed to a girl on their first date. now that’s crazy. but, when it comes to dating and love, etc. i really do believe that things happen for a reason and you find someone when you least expect it. you have to live your own life and do your own thing and be happy with yourself and then you’ll meet him. guys know when you’re desperate and just need a boyfriend, so it’s better to just go with it.

so that leads me to this guy who keeps coming in and out of my life when i least expect it and i just can’t get over it. i had a crush on him in college. one night after a party, i went back to his room and one thing led to the other and we ended up sleeping together. and then that was it really. i’d see him at parties on campus and we’d talk a bit, but nothing happened. then he graduated a year before me. one night my senior year, i was out at a bar in boston and saw his friends. i asked them if he was there and they pointed to him on the dance floor. i walked right over to him (i think interrupting him from dancing with a girl) and he seemed happy to see me. i remember sitting on his lap at a table when my friends came over saying they were leaving. he asked me to go over to his apartment, and i wanted to, but my good friends told me to go with them and i did. then, a year later, i was on im in my boston apartment all packed up and ready to move to new york the next morning when i got an im from him. he was going on about how he wanted to hang out, but i was moving to new york the very next day, so nothing happened there.

3 1/2 years later i am back in boston browsing through people from my college on facebook and see his page. i friend him and contemplate emailing him, but never do. then, about three months later he emails me asking me how i’ve been and saying we should hang out. this happened around the same time i started dating another guy. the guy from college finally calls me, on a night i’m on a date with other guy, so i don’t call him back. and i don’t contact him until two months later when i break up with the guy i was dating. we start emailing again and he texts me late at night a couple times, one time while i was out on a date with another guy. i then email him nicely telling him to stop booty texting me and suggesting we plan ahead and meet another time. we continue emailing sporadically and finally talk on the phone one night a couple weeks later when our college was having a happy hour for alumni. he texted me asking if i was going. i told him i was and had just gotten into a cab from a particular neighborhood in boston. he then called me and asked where i worked. and that’s when we found out we work in the same building. he didn’t end up coming out to the alumni thing and we decided since we work in the same building that we needed to finally meet up after work soon.

two weeks later, we finally did meet up. luckily i was really busy at work that day and didn’t have time to get nervous until right before i met up with him. i hadn’t seen him for 3 1/2 years and we had never really known that much about each other. i didn’t even know if we would have anything in common to keep the conversation going. well, we ended up going to a bar down the street for drinks and apps at 7 o’clock. the conversation went really well and we had a lot to talk about. we had enough in common and not in common, that it made the conversation interesting. by the end of the night, we were both tired and yawning and decided to leave. we looked at the time and it was 1:30 in the morning - we had been talking for 6 1/2 hours! we couldn’t believe it. we shared a cab home (cause we found out we live 3 minutes from each other) and agreed to meet for lunch the next week.

so yesterday we met for lunch. i was so nervous. all i ate was a small soup. the hour went by fast and we both had to get back to work. the lunch date ended with both of us walking through security in our building and saying “see you later.” i felt so stupid afterwards. we didn’t even talk about getting together another time, even though i wanted to. i thought about calling him today to find out what he’s up to, but decided not to. that’d be too much. i’d just see how it went next week.

so today i just did my own thing on this rainy day. i read, cleaned my room, watched tv and decided to finally get out of the house and go grocery shopping. i didn’t care about what i looked like. it’s pouring outside. who else is going to be out at the grocery store? well, what do you know, i’m over looking at the cheese selection and hear someone say my name - and it’s him! i could not believe it. we have been working in the same building and living in the same neighborhood for the past 6 months and have never run into each other until now. i was so nervous and caught off-guard. we made small talk about what we did today and what we were doing tonight, which ended with him saying he was go over his friend’s for a bit and that he’d call me when he comes back to the city. so it looks like we might be going out tonight!

i’m excited. i like him. he’s a good guy and i like that i know him from before, so i don’t have to do too much guessing about what kind of guy he is. he’s a guy’s guy. sports, beer, no clue about anything female-oriented. and i like that we’re not really “dating.” it just seems more natural and almost like we were just meant to run into each other at this point in our lives. but at the same time, i’m not a complete optimist when it comes to dating. we’ll see what happens..

just so you know

it’s 1am and i can’t f*n fall asleep.  i got into bed at 11am because i might have a date tomorrow night and i don’t want to be/look exhausted.  i had to leave work early today (well, not really early.  i left at 6:30, but still had a list of things i should have done before i left) and all i’ve been thinking about is everything i need to do tomorrow.  i hate nights like that.  i try not to let work come home with me, but i don’t want to keep working 10, 11, 12 hour days so i end up checking my work email before going to bed and thinking about everything i need to get done the next day.  i’ve been listening to my “sleep” playlist on my ipod, which usually helps me fall asleep, but it’s not working.  i’m going to write out my to-do list now for tomorrow and see if that helps.  ugh, can’t wait for the weekend!

a note to guys

i could see through your words, your texts, your emails. i know your intentions. so just realize you’re not fooling me; i’m just playing along.

last weekend at around 10pm i got a text from a guy i went to college with. i knew him in college because i was dating his friend. for most of the school year, i’d hang out with the guy i was dating and his friends. i was kind of like one of the guys and heard way too many stories about girls they hooked up with and i was there when they got drunk and were just being idiots. after the guy and i broke up, i stopped hanging out with his friends and a couple years later i moved to new york.

over the summer, a month or so after i moved back to massachusetts, i ran into the texter at a bar. he was really nice and we chatted for awhile and exchanged numbers. a few months later i was out with a friend for drinks after work and i texted him seeing if he was out because he lived nearby. he wrote back saying he was off to some party or something and that we should hang out another time. it wasn’t until last weekend that i heard from him again when he texted me asking me if i was out and told me where he was. i told him i wasn’t out and we wrote back and forth a little. in the end, he told me to let him know when i’m around and we should hang out.

from the second i saw that text from him, i knew something was up. why did he want to hang out with me? it was so random. i checked his facebook page and it said he was in a relationship with a girl who used to live here, but lives in new york now. my hypothesis: he just broke up with that girl cause she moved away to another state and now he’s bored and wants to hook-up.

then last night my friends were thinking about going out in boston, so i texted the texter asking what he was up to. he said he was going out, but didn’t know where. well in the end, my friends ended up not going out and when he texted me at 11:30 telling me where he was at, i was not up for going out. plus the whole night i was wondering why he wanted me to come out anyway. would it be weird if i went to meet up with him alone? his facebook page still says he’s in a relationship. what if i got there and he was there with his girlfriend? is he not interested in me and expecting me to bring single girls with me? i told him i wasn’t going out and that we’d have to try again next weekend and he agreed.

so then today i was still thinking about why he is so interested in meeting up with me and i went to his facebook page again. and what do you know, he’s now single! i knew it. i was right. he just broke up with his girlfriend and now he’s contacting me because he wants to find someone else. i mean, i don’t blame him. i do the same thing. i’ll date someone for a few months and then a week later contact a guy i haven’t talked to for months. the easiest way to get over someone is to find someone else. but, i usually just like to go out with another guy. it doesn’t need to lead to hooking-up. but this guy is a guy and i’m sure he is just looking to hook-up with someone.

but does he want to hook-up with me or is he hoping one of my friends would be interested in him? that’s what i need to figure out. i am not interested in him in that way, mostly because i could count at least 5 girls he’s slept with from just the year i was hanging out with him in college. i know too much information. but, i’ll be honest, i like the attention of a guy wanting to hook-up with me and i don’t know if that’s the case here, but i’d be up for figuring out. so, guy, i know the game you’re playing and just so you know, i’m going to play along with it.

to do

it’s 2 o’clock on saturday. i slept in, worked out, showered, now i just need to eat lunch and i could get my day going. here’s what’s on my list for today:

- go to barnes & noble - i haven’t had a book to read this week and i’m so in the mood for a good book (UPDATE: i bought “magical thinking” by augusten burroughs and “how we are hungry” by dave eggers. both are books of short stories, which i didn’t mean to do. i picked up augusten’s book first because i’ve ready 2 of his other books and liked them. a friend of mine said anything by dave eggers is good and that was the only book at the store, so i bought it.)

- check-out a vintage store nearby - i haven’t been, but it has pretty good reviews on yelp.com (UPDATE: loved the store. it’s my new favorite place. i bought a gold necklace with a heart and key and an amazing burgundy winter dress with ruffles on the front. it fits perfectly and i love it.)

- maybe go to bed, bath and beyond - i’m sick of my bedsheets and want new light blue sheets (UPDATE: i went today and they had the sheets i want in every size except for queen, which i need.)

- food shopping at trader joe’s - haven’t been for awhile, love that place (UPDATE: $33 for a bunch of good food. just ate some chocolate covered pretzels that i bought there.)

- paint my nails - ew, they look so gross right now (and i’d rather buy a new shirt than get a manicure) (UPDATE: painted them a dark maroon, which almost looks black, which is the effect i was going for.)

- buy tickets to jens lekman and put all the concerts i’m going to on my calendar (UPDATE: bought the tickets. i have a busy end of march/beginning of april.)

- find a dentist and a dermatologist and then book appointments next week (UPDATE: no update, didn’t get around to this.)

- figure out what my plans are for tonight (UPDATE: mostly a night of texting (see next post).)

that’s what’s going on. thank god it’s a long weekend.

it’s an ad world

it’s friday night and i got out of work at 7:15, home at 8:30. that sucks. it was another 10 hour work day, which seemed to be the pattern for this week. i have been really busy at work for the past few weeks. i was moved onto a new division of my team, which is good; it’s a compliment. and i’ve been really busy since then. like so busy that i don’t even get a break for lunch. today i ate lunch during a meeting. i hate that. but i can’t complain. i like my job. it’s work, so of course it’s not my favorite thing in my life, but it pays the bills and that’s life. and, i’ll be honest, when i think about what other people to do for work, i appreciate my job more.

i work at an advertising agency as an account executive. the general role of my department is to be the liaison between the client and the departments in my agency and partner agencies. as a team of many people, we create commercials and magazine and newspaper ads. it’s fun and it’s cool seeing something you worked on in magazines or on tv. all day i basically email, talk on the phone, and sit in meetings and conference calls with different people and personalties all in an effort to create ads that will ultimately make our client money. i know it’s not the most noble job out there by a long shot, but it’s my job.

besides the everyday functions of my job and the people on my team who are all pretty cool and fun to work with, the advertising industry is interesting to work in. here are some reasons why:

- most of the people who work in advertising agencies are young. there are 14 people on my direct team. 9 of them are under the age of 30.

- there isn’t really a “corporate” dress code. i could wear jeans to work, as long as i’m not meeting with a client that day.

- the other day, one of the supervisors on my team bought 5 bottles of wine and we had a little happy hour in the office at 4pm. i’ve had in-the-office happy hours at every agency i’ve worked at (which is 3 total).

- my office is moving soon. the new office is rumored to have a bar in it and a room set up for manicures and pedicures every week.

- at every agency i’ve worked at, going out for drinks after work is a regular occurrence, and is often times paid by the agency. coming to work hungover is accepted as long as you could get your work done.

- holiday parties get crazy. it’s always at a restaurant or club or hotel with an open bar, free food, and dancing. at one agency i worked at, the ceo would bring some joints and pass them around on the dance floor. (that’s probably the craziest thing i’ve seen.)

- at each agency i’ve worked at, people have hooked up with each other. maybe they have a boyfriend, maybe they’re married. maybe she’s 45 years old and he’s 23 and they hook up in the office after-hours. (that’s probably the craziest thing i’ve heard about.)

yup, so advertising gets a little out of control. it’s business and we get the job done, but the days are crazy and could be long and i’m thankful that i don’t dread my work days like so many people do.  and — i’m glad it’s the weekend!

i don’t want to sleep with you

ugh, so i guess all guys are the same no matter how old they are or what city they’re in. this weekend i got a text at midnight saying “R u out?” from boy #2 and i got the “you’re a cool girl, but i just want to be friends” line from boy #1. in guy language, both of these guys are just looking to hook-up.

obviously getting a text late at night is a booty call. then there’s guy the guy who “broke-up” with me after dating for a couple weeks. we went out to dinner and drinks on friday and it was fine. i was exhausted from a very long week, but i was still in good spirits. at dinner, he asked me again if i would come to his super bowl party and i said i would (even though i wasn’t totally thrilled/ready to meet his friends). then after dinner we went back to his apartment and watched late-night tv. we had a good make-out session that started on the couch and moved to his bed. i knew it got awkward when i laid down the line and moved his hand away when it started going towards the inside of my pants. we stopped the make-out sess soon after that and laid in bed. at 4:30 in the morning, i was still awake and so was he. we chatted a bit and then i decided to go home. it was a little weird, but whatever. then sunday i sensed something was off and i was right. that’s when he returned my call wondering what the plans were for the super bowl with his explanation for just wanting to be friends, which he said was because he didn’t feel the “spark” he’s looking for when you first start dating someone.

i mean, i agree, there wasn’t really a spark, but i associate a spark with lust and that’s never really worked out for me. i’ve done the sleeping with someone after only a few dates thing and then when it doesn’t go anywhere, i feel like an idiot. i have this thing about not wanting my “number” to get to a certain double-digit number. i don’t really have an idea for the average number people sleep with. i know the numbers were high on sex and the city and i know the numbers are low for some of my friends. and i know the one time i told someone who i was sleeping with my number, his was half of mine and that made me feel weird.

so i know it’s not really something anyone needs to know, but for some reason i have this limit in my head and i’ll be honest, i’m only a couple more away from that number and that makes me more picky about who i do it with. why can’t guys just calm down and hang out for like a month before getting into that?  is that too long?  i know in new york, the standard is you sleep with someone on the third date.  that’s just how it is.  everything about new york is fast, so it’s fitting.  but i’m not in new york anymore.  i don’t want to just hook-up.  i want to date and hang out sober and gradually build up to sleeping together.  and i’m not talking waiting for months; i’m talking just more than a couple weeks.  is that too much to ask from someone who’s been out of college for a few years?  do guys expectations ever change?

the week and a half in review

so it’s been a week and a half since i’ve posted here and a lot has happened. here’s a quick recap of the highlights:

- last monday: met the guy from match. i was super-nervous before and had a glass of wine to calm myself down. once i got to the restaurant, i was calm and we got along comfortably for the night of appetizers, drinks, and talking.

- last tuesday: was really tired from staying out late the night before. struggled through work and went to bed early.

- last wednesday: got a text from match guy asking if i was up for a drink/dinner after work. i was a little overwhelmed in being asked on a second date so soon after the first, but i went for it and had a good time. we went to dinner and then i went to his apartment (i know, probably not the brightest idea second time meeting someone), but it was good. i met his roommate and we just hung around talking, listening to music.

- last thursday: met up with a friend from college for dinner. i hadn’t seen her for a few years. it was good to catch up and hear about her wedding planning. she’s my first friend to get engaged, so i was interested in hearing about the drama.

- last friday: through the work day, emailed the guy from college who i’ve been wanting to go out with. we haven’t talked or seen each other for like 4 or 5 years, so we basically got all the first-date questions out of the way through email. he said his friends were going out in boston at night and i was invited and he’d let me know if he ended up going. i wasn’t really up for meeting him out with his friends, so i told him i was planning on laying low for the night. meanwhile, i got a call from match guy, who i’m now going to call boy #1, inviting me out to an art/dj event that night. i was exhausted from my busy week, but it sounded fun so i decided to go. at 9pm while getting ready, i got a call from boy #2 that he’s meeting his friends out and that i could meet up with them. i texted back saying i already had plans, maybe another time. i then met up with boy #1 for a night of me hanging out with him and his roommate dancing at a couple different bars in cambridge. i ended up going back to his apartment after telling myself at the beginning of the night that i wouldn’t do that. i ended up staying over after a pretty pg night. he walked me out to get a cab the next morning, which was nice. i’ve never had a guy walk me out to get transportation back home after staying over for the first time.

- last saturday: was so exhausted from getting no sleep friday. slept all day, then went out for dinner in the north end with a group of people for my friend who moved to cali. then we went to a bar after that for a bit. i was annoyed by the college crowd and top 40 music. luckily my friends were too and i was home by 12:30.

- last sunday: caught up on sleep and my life a little. boy #1 texted asking how my night was. we wrote back a little and then a couple hours later i asked if he’d want to get together for coffee/tea. he did and we did. just talked and hung-out for a couple hours.

- monday: woke up with a cold. bought some robitussin after work and took it when i got home. a half hour later i was exhausted and totally passed out in bed at 9. i realized the next day that i got a robitussin that causes severe drowsiness.

- yesterday: went to a funeral for my good friend’s grandfather. it was a good service and i’m glad i went. got back to work and had a team staffing meeting in which i was assigned to work on another project, which is good in the corporate world because that means they think i’m doing well, but it also means more work and no more days of nothing to do. still felt a little sick, so took robitussin at 10 and passed out.

- today: feeling better, had a good day, caught up with my sister on the phone.

- coming up this weekend: dinner and drinks with boy #1 on friday, charity pub crawl in boston on saturday, superbowl sunday.

my short-term goal

is to date two guys at once. i know other people who have dated more than one guy at a time and it worked out well.  the hardest part about it is just managing your calendar.  i think dating more than one person helps you realize who you really like and who you’re just out with for fun. i know i have a habit of dating guys just cause i’m bored.  i’ve tried dating more than one guy at a time before, but i end up feeling bad doing it or i just ditch one of the guys cause what’s the point of dating more than one guy if i’m more interested in one of them?

but, this week i will finally be able to achieve my goal. because i am going to go on two first “dates” this week. i still need to call both of them to set up a day, but the first guy and i already decided we’d meet for drinks after work this week. i’m thinking wednesday or thursday. this guy is from match.com. i have never met someone that i only know from online, so that’s going to be a little nerve-wracking. but he looks good in his pictures and we have been writing long emails back and forth this week and i think we’ll have plenty to talk about. we took the next step in communication on friday and texted each other our phone numbers. next, will be talking on the phone, which i plan to do tomorrow. i totally feel like it will be like the match.com commercials where they show the people meet for the first time and they’re both really excited. well, at least i hope it’s like that when we meet.

and then the second guy is from college (more on how we met later). i “facebooked” him awhile ago, then he emailed me and yada yada, we’re supposedly hanging out next weekend. he gave me his number because he’s “not much of a planner.” so, i’ll call him later this week and plan something out for the weekend. i have not seen or talked to this guy for maybe three to four years and i didn’t even know him that well in college, so that should be interesting.

the good thing about dating (i told my roomate that i don’t even know if i should consider meeting the guy from match a date. her response was, “it’s not findafriend.com.” haha.) both these guys is that i’m going on first dates with both of them in the same week, so they’re both starting out from the same level.  the other thing that i like is that both of them are very different from each other, but i have things in common with both.  the guy from match is more “artsy” and sent me some of his art and listens to the same indie music as me and likes the culture of the city.  the guy from college is a business person like me and is getting his mba and is into sports.  i’m not really into sports, but i like guys who are.

so, i never know what my “type” is because i like both the artsy guy and the business guy.  maybe this will help me figure it all out, or in the least, it will make for an interesting week!

the never-ending on-and-off hook-up

isn’t it weird when someone keeps coming in and out of your life? i believe in fate and i think everything happens for a reason. i also think way too much and over-analyze things, but there’s this one guy who keeps showing up in my life and it makes me wonder.

i met him through a co-worker/friend i think maybe a year and half/two years ago. when i first met him i was more interested in another one of their friends than him. but i later found out that he was interested in me, so, i went with it. i think maybe that night i ended up back at his apartment. or maybe it was the next time we hung out. i don’t know. it basically ended up that whenever i would hang out with the group of him and my co-worker and their friends, i would end up back at his apartment and that was it. it was just a hook-up thing whenever we were both out with the group. then i stopped hanging out with the group for whatever reason and that was that.

then a few months later i was out with the group again and somehow the guy and i finally exchanged numbers. i remember he called me on a saturday when i was going into work for a bit and he invited me out to brooklyn to an event he helped put together. it wasn’t a date, but, it was a step in the right direction. even though i very rarely ventured into brooklyn and it was out of the way from where i lived and a blizzard was coming through the city, i still decided to go. it was an awkward night. we didn’t really talk much, but at the end of the night, conveniently all of his friends left and it was just the two of us. sure enough, i ended up back at his apartment and when i woke up the next morning there was a foot of snow on the ground and it was still snowing. needless to say, that was the worst walk of shame i ever did trudging through the snow for blocks and taking the subway early in the am with crazies because the weather was even too bad for cabs.

then like 5 months later, i was out with my co-worker again and he said his friends were out at a bar nearby. i had a few beers in me and still had his number in my phone, so i texted him. i think the next day he wrote me back and then called and actually asked me out to dinner, which was nice. we dated sporadically for a month or two. the whole time i just wished that he wasn’t so shy or was more talkative or whatever it was. i just felt like he was holding back. then a couple days after one of our dates/sleepovers, he called and i never called back. i know it was really rude and i felt bad, but i was just not interested. his friend/my co-worker understood and i’m sure word got around to him.

then, a few months later and a couple weeks before i moved out of nyc, i was at a bar for my co-worker’s birthday and he was there. i totally didn’t realize that he would be there until i was at the bar drinking with my friends and he walked in the door. my heart dropped and i was freaking out about the awkwardness. i was worried he would be mad at me and that things would be weird, but they ended up being fine. i talked to him for a bit and it was all normal and calm. at the end of the night, i gave him a hug and said good luck with things or whatever i say to people i know i’ll never see again.

then, a couple days ago i got a friend request on facebook and it was him. totally unexpected. i didn’t think he would ever be on there in the first place and i didn’t think he would request me. and that’s when i started thinking about how weird it is that we keep running into each other (virtually or otherwise). why? am i supposed to give him another shot? does he still like me? does he just want to be friends? was he just looking to increase his number of friends on facebook? so i wrote a friendly email to him and he wrote one back and i told him to let me know if he’s ever up in boston and he said he would. he said he comes up sometimes to visit friends, so we’ll see what happens. maybe in 6 months i’ll run into him again. life’s interesting that way.